This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone. This is not for everyone.

DBS — Displaced Belief Syndrome. Do you have the symptoms?

1. Do you feel that your New Age friends secretly think that you’re a cynic, or worse — a scientist? How about your straight friends? Do they smirk behind your back, calling you things like "The Cadet" or "Ms. Strange"?

2. Have you dabbled in (or dived into) religions of both the East and West? Have you gobbled up the latest scientific discoveries? Looked into a few fleeting-edge self-help movements? Done sessions with a progressive shrink? Done EST or $cientology? Searched for or found a guru or teacher of some sort? Picked over a million books, gone to hundreds of seminars? Hung onto every word of a channeled entity? Tried a ton of spiritual diets? Feel ripped off now and then?

Have you had sort of okay results with some of these things, but none really cut the biscuit? And you’re still not satisfied? Maybe you are suffering from DBS. Now the GOOD NEWS: The cure looms breathlessly on the horizon. And the cure is ... is ...

Q:  What is IROOT:NOT, and how did it start?

A:   One morning while sleeping, er, meditating, Evin heard yet another voice in his head. The Voice boomed, "You must pitch a tent for the Seekers of Truth. They deserve shade from the blistering heat of doubt, frustration, and lies!"

Evin half-opened an eye and muttered, "Okay. . . ." and closed it again, as if to say, "Gee, that was a swell message. Thanks so much. Please go now." But the Voice, impervious to the lad's condescendence, persisted. "And you shall call this tent ’IROOT:NOT.’ "

With eyes still closed, Evin asked groggily, "Isn’t 'Irootnot' a North African grain or something?" trying to sound on top of this.

"Silence!" thundered the Voice. Evin grimaced. "It is none other than the International Royal Order Of The: Nomads Of Truth."

"Nomads of Truth . . ." thought Evin. "This sounds important." He struggled for a moment, and finally, triumphantly, opened both eyes. Light blazed into his head. It was afternoon. He understood.

"You are the chosen . . . the UNSAVIOR," were the Voice’s last words. The last words of the Voice’s last words echoed through Evin’s head . . . "the UNSAVIOR" . . . through Evin’s head . . . " the UNSAVIOR.". . . through Evin’s head . . .

Squinting and glancing around the room for a possible material source of the Voice, Evin responded, reasonably, "But, why me?"

"I’ve just spoken my last words," scolded the Voice, but continued anyway. "Many have scorched their soles while crossing the burning sands of relativity. Desperately, they’ve searched the wastelands for The Oasis of Stability. Plain after plain, dune after dune, they found nothing but endless stretches of dubious dogma, mind-marring mirages, and blasts of hot air that would sear their souls."

"Yes, but why me?" insisted Evin.

The Voice shrugged and said, "You won the toss."

As the Unsavior, Evin understands the discomfort of the religiously and philosophically displaced: "It bites, sort of. . . ." (Book of Words, chapter 4, verse 6.) Yet, through the miracle of saying Yes, now you can join a group that doesn’t care if you’ve fallen through the often cantankerous cracks of categorization. IROOT:NOT is based on two unwarrantable assurances. First: "I believe in what I can’t prove," and second: "Critical thought is the best religion." It welcomes all who want to fit in, but just don’t.

Before becoming the Unsavior, Evin always wanted to fit in and to "be someone." Now he does and is. And you can, too! (Of course, you don’t need to join to be someone; you already are. Joining just makes it official.)

More good news: Even if you’re not a "joiner," you can join IROOT:NOT, because it’s a non-group collective! And best of all, membership is FREE! What a deal!

Q:   What is the dogma of IROOT:NOT?

A:   IROOT:NOTian transdoctrine is the practical synthesis of belief and disbelief, left and right, poetry and prose, science and religion, common sense and the (practically) impossible, trivial and profound, work and play, and heaven and earth — it’s an eclectic balance. What does this mean in practical terms?:

"A line exists that separates extremes. Like the crest of a wave, the line is always moving. If we are to maintain balance in our lives and fully express ourselves, we must surf this wave. Awareness is the key. When we 'fall asleep,' we fall from our [surf] board and become 'all wet.' We must then wait, often uncomfortably and even perhaps dangerously, for the next wave to come along. Fortunately, the ocean is full of them."   (From, Messages in the Sand, Phil Spectorius)

By applying IROOT:NOTian everyday, esoteric principles, not only do you get everything done more easily, but you prosper in the meantime! Life becomes a working vacation more and more.

IROOT:NOTics — the organic, transpsychic mechanism that influences "NOTian" existence — is a process. NOTian philosophers have speculated (respectfully) that IROOT:NOTics, though intense — even heavy at first — leads to rapid transcendence in the issues of self-limitation and antiprosperityism, because innately, an evolutionary vector engine is what powers this process. NOTian NeoTheologians have even went so far as to claim that this engine is the planet’s first experiment with this type of evolutionary propulsion system, because the group involved is relatively conscious. Put another way, the trans-dimensional, synergistic essences of all NOTians are one of the non-petro fuels that power this "invisible" engine.

As evolutionary channels of these different energies, NOTians express a wealth of possibilities that are in harmony with their individual ideals and quirks. IROOT:NOTics — acting as a high-powered, clarifying lens — highlights, accents, and amplifies a variety of ideals, such as experiment and discovery, creativity, insight, compassion, humor, kindness, acceptance, respect, fun, humility, prosperity, awe, lightheartedness, and realness of all sorts. It could even maybe grow hair on yours palms, if you'd want such a thing . . . .

Lastly, IROOT:NOTian neo-scripture suggests that LIFE IS AN EXPERIMENT. NOTians are mystic scientists trying not only to figure out how we should perform the experiment, but rather what it is, why we should do it, when is it over, and whose experiment is it, anyway? We want The Answer. Right?

Like an acid, this Life-As-Experiment principal corrodes fixed systems. As it etches its way through layers of rusting, metallic ideas, etheric "thought molecules" spill in, filling the cracks with such psychedelic colors that it makes the 60's look like a faded black and white photo. This creative energy — building slowly/rapidly — molds itself into new and exciting pre-forms. Like vibrant, teenage rosebuds anxious for the dawn, these pre-forms wait for you to open your eyes again, so you can express, fresh — which you will. They become real through you. You give them life! Because of this expansive effect, IROOT:NOT is an unstoppable evolutionary wave. And the surfs up!

Q:   Is the Unsavior the Messiah?

A:   No. Some religions claim that the Messiah wants you to believe in Him so He can save you. The Unsavior says, "No one can save you," and "You are pre-saved."

"First, you — as a carbon-based flesh creature — will die and return to the elements. You can’t be saved [from this] unless a miracle happens. Second, you — as an immortal spark of divinity — were never unsaved. Believing or not believing in anyone won’t change that." (The Illustrated Book of Thoughts, Illustration #33.)

Q:   Is this so-called Unsavior the Antichrist?

A:   No. Some religions say that the Antichrist wants your soul, and if he gets it, he will drag it down into the burning pit of hell where it will burn and writhe and convulse forever. What an attitude! The Unsavior wouldn't wish that on anyone! He doesn’t want your soul, either, even if you gave it to him for free. He wouldn’t know what to do with it.

Q:   Is the Unsavior like the pope, a king, a dictator, or a president?

A:   No. He is an unassuming person. He has fears, goals, and desires like everyone else. Sometimes he feels superior, yet in a most humble way. He also knows that he is a clueless piece of sub-micro Nothing. At the core of his minuscule brain flickers a message that sputters on and off like a malfunctioning neon sign: "The arms of the universe are open to you. Surrender to it. It will do the same to you. Then the fun begins!" (As recorded in “Mind Sparks and Their Effects on Combustible Materials,” by Josh U. Knot.)

The Unsavior learns from every interaction and therefore shares equal ground with all others. Although he does wear an invisible crown (which is why some, particularly those who have been misdiagnosed as mentally ill, have mistaken him for a king or whatnot), he wears it only because he, like everyone, was born with a crown of sovereignty.

Q:   Is IROOT:NOT a religion, a science, a philosophy, or a joke?

A:   Not exactly. It’s like a multidimensional, multifaceted diamond. The Force of Evolution can use these facets as windows, coercing our divinity to show itself. As the light of our wholeness sparkles through the diamond, we become more aware of our part in the dancing rainbow of life.

Q:   Is IROOT:NOT a cult?

A:   No. A cult wants you to join them and wants all of your money. They also want you to convert others, to save them.

The Unsavior wants you to join, but doesn’t want all of your money. IROOT:NOT actually gives things away (excluding s&h). Energetically, it supports your desire to collect a lot of money rather easily. IROOT:NOT doesn’t pressure you to round up converts, either. If you have to convert them, then they’re not ready to join! Additionally, most cults (religions and movements, as well) want to have as many followers as they can convince. NOTians, however, aren’t followers. (They are followers of their spirit.) Plus,

"Not one more than 144,000 shall fill thy ranks . . ." (From, Code of Numbers, Book 4.)

It should be noted, however, that the Code of Numbers uses the rationale of Seventh Dimensional Mathematics: so that number is subject to change without notice.

Q:   A friend of mine wants to join, but he doesn’t think he’s worthy. Can he join anyway?

A:   Yes, he can, if he signs a waiver stating he knows he is not his unworthiness. If he doesn’t feel comfortable signing the waiver, then he can send an extra $5 with his membership application as penance. This will prompt a deluge of Compass-Ions (an elemental component of the IROOT:NOTian Universe) to penetrate his brain and absolve him from his delusion. What a deal! (Delusionee retains the right to unabsolve him- or herself at any time.)

Q:   There’s an IROOT:NOTian universe?

A:   Sure, every group and individual lives in their own universe. NOTians live in a miraculous universe. Of course each universe does not necessarily conform to REALITY — although some do more than others — but reality allows them all to apparently exist, because reality itself doesn't concern itself with existence and non-existence. Only philosophers with nothing else to do ever think about that!

Q:   Doesn’t everyone live in a miraculous universe?

A:   No, just look around.

Q:   Thanks for clearing that up. Now that i know that i’m safe and dealing with a reputable organization, what benefits will i have by becoming a member of IROOT:NOT? How much will it cost?

A:   The benefits are many, and the cost: Nothing! Free! Zero dollars! Zip! Nadda! (Please include $15 US s&h with your request.) That’s right. And what do you receive for this next-to-nothing, freewill, total-love-gift donation? Just look at this list of ACTUAL HANDS-ON PRODUCTS and SERVICES that are yours, almost for FREE!

IROOT:NOT MEMBERSHIP CARD

Wow! A genuine laminated IROOT:NOT membership card. (This proves that you’re a part of a humble, elite group dedicated to various worthy causes.) This card is your passport for international recognition, because it confirms your STATUS as an IROOT:NOT member in good standing (or slouching, if you prefer).

Show it to salespeople, auto rental agencies, hotel clerks, health food store owners, even airlines. Maybe they’ll give you a discount or something. Flash it to government officials, rich or famous people, or alien visitors. Who knows what doors it will open. And, if you continue paying the annual dues (only $1, plus $15 s&h), you can be a member for life!

Special! Special! Special! Gold card opportunity for new members only! Send $1 plus $500 s&h and become a member for ETERNITY! Yes, you heard right: one "eternal dues" payment covers membership costs for an UNLIMITED number of lifetimes!

Q:   You mentioned that IROOT:NOT members are dedicated to various worthy causes. What if i’m not? Can i still join?

A:   You sure can! Being a part of IROOT:NOT is a worthy cause in itself!

Q:  Do you have discounts?

A:   Yes, we do! If you’re a student (in grade’s 1-6), a senior citizen (88 years or older), or if you’re just having a cash flow situation, then ALL of IROOT:NOT’s products and services are absolutely FREE (excluding s&h). Now, let’s continue with the benefits:

NOTians ride FREE - anywhere, anytime - in "Care Force Won," IROOT:NOT’s private Lear Jet!   (This offer valid after we reach our fund-raising goal of $175,000,000.00 US.)

Discover the secret of HOW TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING. The cost to you: Nothing! (Please include $12 s&h with your request.)

Receive ABSOLUTE PERMISSION to become rich and/or lazy — without the accompanying guilt! FREE! FREE! FREE!

Learn the REAL answers to the age old questions, "Why am I here?" and "Can I go now?" Member price: $1. Non-member price: $10,000. Please include $5 s&h with your request.

Develop the ability to intuit the exact location of the Holy Grail, just by being a NOTian! (For locations of gold mines or buried treasure [gold coins, etc.], please send a SASE plus $1.25 million US s&h. Locations guaranteed.)

Receive instructions to the solitaire game, "Universe Says." Provides years of co-creative guidance and entertainment. Only $1 plus $15 s&h.

The MetaSacred ur-Oath

Own and hold in your very hands the MetaSacred ur-Oath of the IROOT:NOT. If you dare, you can even say it aloud! Best of all, it’s FREE! (Please include $10 s&h with your request.)

As an IROOT:NOTian, you can invent your own official SECRET    HANDSHAKE!

Reverse Trans-Psychic Bi-Locality technique

Become infused (and enthused) with Reverse Trans-Psychic Bi-Locality technique. Save hundreds of $ in phone and travel expenses. Visit you friends, guru, or anyone else without leaving your home! Safer and more reliable than astral travel. Send $1 plus $10 s&h for more information.

Create your own Picture of Reality, and pretend it's true! FREE! FREE! FREE!

Receive your very own 8 1/2" x 10" Title Certificate, FREE! (Please include $15 s&h for each Title requested.) These cleverly designed, official looking certificates are suitable for framing or for showing off to your friends. Being exclusive, these Titles are available only to members (or those who are seriously considering joining). Choose from the following:

• IROOT:NOTics Nez Master
• Pseudo Omniscient
• Mystic Scientist
• Heavenly Light Moth
• Prophet of the Obvious
• Mortal God/dess
• Unworthy Old Soul
• True Believer
• True Disbeliever (Not available in Utah, South Dakota, or Turkey.)
• All Most Reverend
• Nearsighted Visionary
• Love Sponge
• Humble Special Being
• Spiritual Existentialist
• Unteacher
• Truth Slave
• Absolute Relativist
• Source of Diffused Light

Or, make up with your own!

Q: Can i use the title 'Unsavior' too?"

A:   Yes, you can! Simply send an additional $9,999.00 US s&h with your request.

Q:   Aren’t these titles tinged with megalomania?

A:   Yes, they are! Studies* have shown that it’s better to have a free ranging ego than a cramped one. There’s a proverb that says, "If you keep a bull pinned up, he’ll keep crashing against the walls trying to escape. But if you let him roam freely in a large field, he’ll be content even though he’s fenced in."

* The FDA have not apporved these studies.

Science, too, supports this principle. Keep gas molecules cooped up in a small container, and they become restless, like pirates being forced to work 9 to 5 in tiny corporate cubicals. The more confined, the more agitated. Expand the container, though, and the gas chills.

Many NOTians enjoy chilled lifestyles. Besides, they know that they’re not the bull.

Akashic Records Archiving Facility

Because you are waking up faster than ever, you may have noticed lapses in both long- and short-term memory. Not a problem! As an IROOT:NOT member, you have the privilege of storing your memories at our Akashic Records Archiving Facility.

That’s right. We’ve subleased a huge amount of space, and now you can save those precious memories without leaving the comfort of your home! Store them safely beyond the ravishes of fire, flood, time, mental decay, internal evolutionary reshuffling, and even the inconvenience of death!

For only $1 (plus $15 s&h), you will receive your own personal AMT (Astral Memory Teller) card. To use, hold your specially encoded AMT card on your forehead; your memories are automatically copied and transferred to our vaults. Reverse the card, and retrieve them the same way, 24/7. (Annual renewal fee is $1, plus $5 s&h.)

Your laminated card should last a lifetime or two. But if it’s lost or stolen, we’ll replace the card for free. (Please include $15 s&h with your request.)

Interdimensional Correspondence School of Advanced Unlearning

Do you want to make more money? Sure, everybody does. Now you can enroll in the universally non-accredited "IROOT:NOT Interdimensional Correspondence School of Advanced Unlearning" (IROOT:NOTICSOAU). Choose from any of these exciting non-career opportunities:

• Professor of IROOT:NOTics
• Reality Technician
• Karma Adjuster
• Illusion Management
• Astral Travel Agent
• Mind Surgeon
• Temporal Alchemist
• Life Vector Analyst
• Akashic Records D.J.
• Slack Repair
• Lite Worker
• Dispensation Sales
• Biocomputer Deprogrammer
• Immortality Insurance Overwriter

To enroll, send only $1 (plus $25 s&h) for each course you’d like to take. After successfully completing a course, you’ll receive a suitable-for-framing IROOT:NOTICSOAU diploma via FIRST CLASS MAIL.

Or, earn your "Doctor’s of IROOT:NOTics" degree. The Doctor’s degree costs $1 (plus $49 s&h). You must, however, successfully complete the "Professor of IROOT:NOTics" Course before receiving your doctorate.

Totally unique and useful SPECIALTY ITEMS — available only from IROOT:NOT Worldwide Industries.

You can order any of the unique specialty items below. Best of all, they’re FREE! (Please include $15 s&h for each free item that you request.):

One (1) zip-lock bag filled with a little IROOT:NOT Brand^TM "Magic-Genie"© Fear Removal Powder®. Directions included.

One (1) "Get Out of Hell Free" card.

One (1) month’s supply of IROOT:NOT Brand "Instant Karma Rinse®" (drawn from the grifo del lavaplatos at the IROOT:NOT HeadCenter). Comes in a guaranteed uncontaminated recycled container. Directions included.

One (1) invisible "Earth Changes Barometer." This all-etheric wonder emits a piercing astral alarm, days — maybe years — before dangerous earth changes threaten to destroy your neighborhood (or planet). This gives you valuable time to sell your house or book a flight to Mars.

Q:   Is the invisible "Earth Changes Barometer" really invisible?

A:   Yes.

One (1) universally understood* set of alien runes that say "I’m your friend!". Printed on white paper. Folds easily to fit in your wallet or purse.

     *Not recognized by all alien races.

      MEDITATE ON THIS! Now Available: The IROOT:NOT Mystic Cymbal Mandala! The full-colored mandala measures 3"x4" (approx.) and is laminated so you can use it as much as you want without the fear of destroying it with your body oil and sweat. Feel the energy!   Comes complete with instructions. CLICK ON THE IMAGE ON THE LEFT TO SEE AN ENLARGEMENT. Stare at the red dot in the center of the image for 20 minutes and watch the changes! OK, 2 minutes.

"I felt this beam of energy shooting out of the center."     R.A. (A real person)

	The IROOT:NOTian Handbook: Future Alchemy
	"IROOT:NOTics blew my socks off; now I can see my Toe!" That’s right; IROOT:NOTics seems innocent enough. Yet, when you absorb it, unpleasant aspects of your ego structure begin to disintegrate. You may think your brain is falling apart, but wait -- you are actually becoming more grounded! Could this be a good thing? You bet!

       The Compleate IROOT:NOTian

Could it be true? The Compleate IROOT:NOTian? Yes! Yes!! and Yes!!!

This meta-bundle includes:

º The 50 page book Future Alchemy (a $10 value)

º Your very own IROOT:NOT membership card (a $16 value)

º The IROOT:NOT Mandala – The Mystic Cymbal (an $8 value)

º The ever-so-sacred IROOT:NOT Mantra, usualy available only from non-Issue #2 of Living in the Eternal Wow! (an $8 value)

All this for only $36, you may ask? Yes! What more could you ask for!

Q:   ok, ok; i'm convinced! So, how do i join . . . how do i join!

A:   Send no money now, except the $15 s&h. If you’re not 100% satisfied, tell us, and we’ll promptly refund your money. (Sorry, s&h is not refundable.) This ironclad guarantee applies to all IROOT:NOT products and services.

Remember, to join YOU MUST ACT NOW, before the world ends.

Q:   If i send you the enrollment fee, will i really get a membership card (and whatever other product or service that i order)?

A:   Yes, you will.

Please note: If you’ve read this far, understand that if you join this "entity," you will change (for the better, of course). The process may be a bit intense at first, but it's worth the price — free! Also, all invisible products are really invisible. Lastly, nothing herein is guaranteed to work, and all of this stuff is, in the kosmic sense, nothing!

Q:   Can i quit if it’s too intense?

A:   Yes, you can, but hang in for a few days. To break the IROOT:NOTian link, simply cut up your membership card.

All prices, products, and services, by the way, are subject to change or mutation without notice. All prices, products, and services, are for entertainment purposes only.

If you have any questions about IROOT:NOT or the services and products, please contact your spirit.

"You gain nothing by denying the obvious, except experience." Y. B. Hyden (The Book of Redundancy Book, page 23.)

"Life is an experiment." (The Redundant Universe of Redundancy, page 335, by Krishnayogigomez.)

Finish/Beginning???